dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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