oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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