HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
