1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Small penises have feelings too.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
