put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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