i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
