you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
