Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
