You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Be still, my beating vagina.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
