Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
