exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
