i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
