My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
