turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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