Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
