You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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