Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
