she was so not down for the gang bang
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
