He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
