we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
