I will die if light touches me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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