I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
