He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize