apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
