Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize