i think my tv is drunk
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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