Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
