This girl is more easily done than said...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
