what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
