3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize