You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
