He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
