My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
