Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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