i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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