my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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