The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Michael Bay diarrhea
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
