i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
