clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
