What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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