good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
