Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
