just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
