Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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