Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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