I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
