Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
