I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
