just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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