Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
