I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
