Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
