He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
