My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
