let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
