he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
