just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
