birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Someone came in the potted fern
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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