Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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