when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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