is your mom at the bar?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
