eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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