just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
