Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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