and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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