There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
