I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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