I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
